Are you walking in the FULLness of God?

Ever since I have been able to remember, I have been called the fat kid. It hurt a little at first but when I learned to deal with it, it wasn't a big deal to me anymore. So for many years I was comfortable being me until my junior year in High School. Somehow I got hooked up with the wrong guy that done absolutely nothing but drag me through the mud. My feelings didn't matter, he called me every name you can ever think of including fat. I was physically, mentally, and emotionally abused but hey that's what real relationships are about right? The answer is absolutely NOT! See I thought that it was though. With that being my first real relationship, I thought that even though he done these things to me, he said he loved me and that made everything better. Four years passed and 2 children later, I finally realized that this was not acceptable. I knew that I had to get out and make a better life for my children and me.
Being in that relationship changed who I was as a person. I didn't feel pretty, I felt used in every sense of the meaning, I didn't have any self esteem left, and I didn't feel that I was worthy of someone else loving me. As days went on, more and more insecurities were experienced. Why didn't I listen to my friends and family when they told me to get out years before. Why did I allow this one person to make me feel so low and how was I ever going to recover from this?
I look back and though I still don't have the answers to these question, I find that after going through those terrible years, I have never been able to recover. If anything I have so many insecurities now but its a direct effect of that situation. See I feel that I have to try super hard to build friendships, that I have to make everyone else happy before myself because what if I don't and I loose that relationship? I have to be the best at everything I do because I have been criticized so much before, how can I withstand any more?

Four months ago I gave my life to the lord again. I have never felt more complete in my entire life! I spread the word of God to everyone that I can because that is what makes it all worth while. I fill everyone's Facebook feed with Christian jargon because though I help some people out with the things I post, I also go back and keep it as a reminder of how far I have come in my own life. I am a very different person today than I used to be. I was so full of negativeness, gossiped.. boy did I gossip, I allowed the distance of friendships to affect me, food was again my best friend, I was very outspoken and not the type that you want to be remembered for, and just wasn't living a life that I was proud of.
 Tonight I asked myself why or how I ever got to be this negative person. I mean I had friends, I had a great boyfriend, kids, and was living pretty good and then I heard something that took my breath away. Satan will feed on my insecurities to make them apparent to me each and every day. The things that I thought were okay were definitely not, but that was his way of getting into my mind and throwing it in my face
The greatest thing about living a life full of Christ is that you don't have to deal with things on your own. You can put 100% of trust in one person and know that they will always be faithful. You never have to feel unworthy because no amount of sin will make God look at you different. No sin is greater nor lesser than another, so everyone is equal in the eyes of the Lord. You are forgiven and made new by the blood Jesus shed for you and me. Yes its amazing that one man died for the life of so many others.
I have battles that are not yet victories but I know that with God on my side, everything is truly possible. God calls us to demolish fears and evil that stares us in the face and that is exactly what I am doing. Day by day I am overcoming another obstacle. I'm growing and being molded into the person that God created me to be. God has a purpose for me but it wasn't until I began to live a life full of him that I knew what that purpose was. Everyday I walk in the fullness of God and its pretty darn incredible. I challenge you to do the same!

Who are you trusting now-a-days?

So the past few weeks I've felt a little distant to the world. With going back to college my focus has been solely on making an amazing gpa by face planting in my studies every night, and what little time I have left, dividing it between one-on-one time with my kids and husband. This morning I woke up and realized just how distant I've become. I make conversations with friends short, I get through everyone else's needs super quick so that I can focus on my studies, and I've not been as devoted to God like I should be. See the crazy thing is, I went back to school because I knew God was telling me to do more, yet I find myself not as devoted?
 While trying to fall back asleep after doing my early morning motherly duties, it hit me. Heather, God sent to back to school to make a difference, but how are you showing him any glory by doing so? You're not spreading his greatness, you're putting lesser things before more important things, you're time away from outside relationships isn't cutting it and you've got to set boundaries. Another thing that I've noticed is I'm not spreading the word of God to everyone around me as much as I was. I felt like being positive in front of people was having more of a negative impact than an actual positive one. I mean I flood my Facebook and instagram with inspirational things, but I feel like I'm getting on everyone's nerves, and that they're just sick of seeing it. But then again it hit me like a ton of bricks. If I loose 20 "friends" over being positive and putting God in the lime light, but bring one person closer to him, then why should I care what others think? I mean that's what being a Christian is right? Showing how God has changed your life, bring people closer to him, and then figuring out how you can bring him glory?
  See it took me missing a Sunday sermon, a chance to serve our community, and a life group to really notice my short comings. How being more concerned about making good grades by myself, rather than trusting that the one that positioned me to this place, isn't really working out for me and that I don't carry the weight of the world on my shoulders; someone actually does that for me.
 If I continue my obedience and ask for direction, God will provide a way to make things happen. It's easy to get caught up with things you feel are important, to fall back and think you have to control the outcome of situations, and to think you have to be a super hero to get daily tasks done, but you don't. Our heavenly father is here to take our disbelief away, to be our weight carrier, and to be the one who will bring us through even the toughest of situations. God doesn't put things in your life to make you struggle without cause. Trust that whatever may come your way, that God's plan and purpose is above all things and if he can bring you to a situation, not only will he bring you through it but it's for a reason. Trust and have faith.. God will lead the way!!